Notre Histoire d'Amour
by pieces of a shattered dream
Summary: Because I just can't let him die
1. Chapter 1

My take on the events after the finale.

Title is borrowed from the the french version of Pocahontas' love theme 'If I never knew you' ... partly because it fits, partly because I just love the song :)

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_If I never knew you_  
_I'd be safe but half as real_  
_Never knowing I could feel_  
_A love so strong and true_

_John Secada and Shanice - If I never knew you (Pocahontas OST)_

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Chapter One

She watches the pink stars rise up towards to pitch black surface of the Dome, eyes the darkness abate and make room for the almost blinding light and yet, she does not see anything. For all she knows dropping the egg into the sea could've had no effect at all – or the worst anyone could imagine.

Tears are still streaming down her face when she sinks onto the floor, knees drawn in so she could rest her head onto them. She tries wiping them away a few times but they just keep coming back, each time stronger than the ones before. She finally gives up on it after the fifth try. The dog tags are still firmly clutched in her left hand, branding themselves into her skin by the force of her fingers around them.

She doesn't care. Right now that's all she had of him and the pain her fingernails inflict on her palm reminds her, that he is real. It also makes her cry even harder, because if he's real, than all of this is and he's on the other side of town, getting executed for crimes he didn't commit. Honestly she wouldn't even care if he had done it. What matters to her is that him being executed means she isn't going to see him again.

It was just two weeks since she met him, less since she found out her husband wasn't coming back, still less since she found out he killed her husband. Despite all that, she is in love with him.

She lifts her head from her knees, opens her hand. She brings the dog tags to her lips, kissing them softly, whispering an I Love You against the deformed metal, before sliding them over her head. On her smaller frame they rest farther down her chest than when he is wearing them. He had asked her to hold onto them for him and that's what she will be doing. The tears are still flowing when she cuddles up to her knees again, sending some silent prayers up to anyone who might hear her – and more importantly be able to help her, help him.

The surface of the Dome doesn't clear and so she doesn't know how long she has been sitting there. The watch on her wrist forgotten, because really there are more important things to think about right now. It could've been minutes, hours, for all she cares even days but the one thing she is certain of is that it is too late for her to save the man she loves.  
She knows, protecting the egg was more important than saving one life. She however had not planned on living without him and so she had come up with the one idea that would serve both purposes. Dumping the egg into the sea, saving hundreds of lives, sacrificing both of theirs. That was the only right thing to do. Monarch or not, she had earned the light back for Chester's Mill, now everything else is up to someone else. Preferably the three teenagers since they actually seemed to know what's going on.

Eventually she gets up, this time drying the tears that are still falling. She stops crying a minute later, finding happiness in the thought that she is going to see him again soon. Kicking her shoes off to the side, she grips the railing and taking a deep breath, climbs over it. She almost loses her footing once, making her tighten her grip and making her heart beat faster. Actually being that close to almost committing suicide, she feels, for the first time, fear. Of course she could swim, falling off that boat would not necessarily end in her drowning but that isn't what she wants. She's conscious enough to know, that she only had one shot. The moment she hits the water she had to dive deep down and stay there till the air has run out. There was no way she would jump again, if she rescues herself the first time.

The water is freakishly cold, she noticed that when a few drops seeped through her sneakers as she set foot onto the boat, and contaminated. With what exactly she isn't sure but does it really matter? It would probably kill her faster if she drank it rather than waiting to drown in it. But she wants to punish herself for causing him all this pain.

If she had not insisted on seeing Peter's grave, he would never have been upstairs but instead talking things out with her in the living room. He would've been there when the door bell had rung and probably would've been adamant about opening the door himself. She is pretty confident, that he, too, would not have expected Max to be on the other side of the door but, he is a little paranoid, and given recent events would have tried to protect her. She knows Max never had shot him, if he was dead, Max couldn't have him either.

If she had not gotten shot, he would not have been blamed for three murders and an attempted one.

She pushes her red locks out of her face, careful not to lose her stand again until she is ready to let go. She has no doubt about actually doing it, actually ending her life to be with him in the afterlife. And if, contrary to popular belief, the afterlife does not exist, she at least would not have to life in a world where he doesn't. She is however debating on whether or not there is a right time for letting go; would she know when she was ready or if she would never really be. If so, she would do it nonetheless.

Kissing her newly acquired necklace again, saying good-bye, she pushes it under her shirt. It may seem ridiculous given that she is about to kill herself, but the last ting she wants is to loose those dog tags. Not when she promised to hold onto them. Not when they are the last thing she has of him. Closing her eyes she slowly, one finger after the other, detaches her right hand from the railing.

"Julia! Don't!" She knows that voice and that all it takes for her to reclaim the railing under both of her hands. She opens her eyes, tears coming again and sends a Thank You to whoever heard her prayer.

"Barbie?"


	2. Chapter 2

I just wanted to say a quick Thank You for your reviews. You made my day :)

so, here goes chapter two

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Chapter Two

_If you asked them later, no one could recount the events that took place in less than five minutes. They could explain in great detail what they saw, how three teenagers made their way up onto the gallows, overpowered half a dozen people, freed one man that was sentenced to death and disappeared completely unharmed. What they could not explain is how that had been possible, how not one single person had managed to stop them. After all they _were_ just teenagers. _

Joe, Norrie and Angie watch the pink stars rise from in front of the local church. They are on their way to Town Hall, when they begin their ascend and just like all the other members of Chester's Mill they are hypnotized by the sheer beauty of the spectacle. They promised Julia to go somewhere safe but they could just not help creeping onto the 'event ground', watching the execution and hoping beyond hope, that by some miracle Barbie is being saved. Besides, in a small town, cut off from the rest of the world, what is save anyway?

The three of them can see the town's people lifting their gazes to the sky, too, some letting out sounds of appreciation. They hear Big Jim saying something about The Lord, and then the dark surface of the Dome becomes an almost blinding white. For a moment they are as mesmerized by it as the rest of Chester's Mill but some force shakes them out off it, pushes them forward towards the center of the action. Something inside them realizes that _that _could be their one and only shot of getting Barbie out off there alive. It is almost as if the brightness had been sent to help them.

Simultaneously they make a split-second decision, pushing through the crowd. The people around them oblivious. They see them, of course, but there is no sign of them registering what is happening.

Barbie is the only one noticing the kids' suicide plan and his eyes become bigger with fear. He had been standing here, with a noose around his neck for all but two minutes and not once feared his own death. But those are just children, and they have to be crazy, and he can do absolutely nothing because he's cuffed and on his last seconds of breath. As soon as Junior pulls that lever he is going to suffocate and Big Jim would take the children into custody, making them reveal Julia's location and then probably have all four of them killed.

Not openly this time. He could justify it, after all they are Barbie's accomplices, but Big Jim is too chicken for that. On their way to the hangman one of them could blurt out something to incriminate him beyond repair and, if some townsfolk have at least a bit of intelligence left, having him hang from that noose. No, he would get rid off them somewhere private and then have the whole town looking for some outlaws they are never going to find.

The only thing on his mind before the kids showed up had been her. He did not think about dying itself but about what would happen to her when he was gone. After all he had done in his lifetime, right now in this very moment, he did not want to die. Not because he didn't think he deserved it somehow, but because he did not want to leave her. He had told Big Jim he wanted a future, and he did – with her.

It was only two weeks since he met her, less since he told her her husband wasn't likely to come back, still less since he admitted to killing her husband. Despite all that, he is in love with her.

He had told her as much, pretty sure she hadn't heard him, since she was still unconscious. Ever since that moment he prayed he could tell her so she heard him and now he hated himself for not doing so when he had the chance earlier.

He hears Big Jim yelling at his son to pull the lever and he closes his eyes. A single tears slips down his cheek, not for him but for her and he waits for the inevitable to happen. He catches the sound of something cracking rather loudly but his feet still stand on solid ground. The noose, too, does not tighten around his neck. He opens his eyes when the string is lifted from his shoulders, stares directly into Angie's blue ones. Norrie's standing to his right, Joe to his left. The boy is holding his right hand in his left one, flinching when he accidentally touches his knuckles.

Looking around him Barbie finds the town's people still staring at the unnaturally bright sky, Big Jim is staring at them but is still not able to comprehend what is happening. There is no sign of Junior on the gallows but he spots the boy lying on the grass beside it. The crack he heard seconds ago had been Joe's hand that connected with Junior's jaw with a force that sent him flying backwards in a fall that should have broken his neck but (un)fortunately didn't.

"I do appreciate you risking your life for me but what the hell are you doing here? And where is Julia?" He knows they don't really have time for chit-chat right now but he is not leaving until he knows Julia is OK. He would beg Big Jim to pull that lever himself if the kids told him something happened to her.

"We don't know. She said she was gonna protect the egg and send us somewhere safe. The thing is, we kind of have a feeling she's going to do something stupid" That is enough to get him moving. They have to get the hell out off here and find her.

He urges the kids on to move slowly towards the stairs, carefully bypassing Big Jim who seems to come out of his stupor. With a bit of luck they are down the gallows and far enough away from here when he actually does. They are not, of course, and Barbie, walking directly past him is the first one to notice the change in his posture. He pushes the kids over to the stairs and delivers a kick to his abdomen before Big Jim fully breaks out off it. His gun slides out of the waistband of his jeans and skids over to where the teenagers are standing. Stopping right in front of Norrie, she eyes it vaguely.

"Don't" Barbie and Big Jim warn her at the same time. Norrie reaches down and picks it up nevertheless. Pointing it at Big Jim with more strength than she thought she possessed, she demands the handcuff keys with a voice so steady it was almost frightening. He laughs at her first, she pulls the safety of the gun and he puts the keys in her outstretched hand. Angie catches them from her and takes the cuffs off Barbie.

Not sure what to do next, she stands there, gun pointed at the town's selectman. She picks up on the residents of Chester's Mill now watching the show with interest. Some of them draw their own guns but they still have the decency not to shoot an innocent teenager.

Suddenly Barbie is right behind her, his arms around her waist, holding her as tightly as possible. "Don't drop the gun" he whispers in her ear and she doesn't. "I'm sorry. Do you trust me?" She nods and he speaks up again. "They are not shooting you, so you just keep that gun pointed at Big Jim. I'll help you down those stairs, don't worry" She nods again, drawing the gun a bit higher so she is aiming for his head.

"Let's go" Norrie tells Big Jim and Barbie must admit he's impressed. That girl is smart.

Joe and Angie walk down the steps, every now and then turning around to see if Barbie is alright. He is, after all, descending backwards, half-carrying Norrie who has in turn an eye (and a gun) on Big Jim. They make it down quickly and unharmed, walking around the crowd gathered in a bunch, staring at them. Halfway to the nearest car Barbie sends the siblings over to check for keys.  
"We won't need them" Angie tells him. "Just be prepared to jump in as soon as it's running" She earns a questioning look from her brother and an appreciating one from Barbie and heads over to the car.

They stop Big Jim a few steps later, gun still drawn. He wouldn't have thought her capable of actually shooting him but after witnessing her attacking Big Jim with a pocket knife he isn't so sure anymore. He just hopes she doesn't do it. As much as he may deserve to die, the chance of them getting out of it alive themselves would be pretty slim. The people of Chester's Mill might not kill an innocent teenager, even if she helped a prisoner to escape, but shooting someone sure as hell does not count as innocent anymore.

He hears Joe and Angie getting into the car and prepares Norrie for what to do. "We start moving backwards again, without him. When I tell you to, you drop the gun and run to the car as fast as you can"

"Okay" She's pretty confident that noting could go wrong with that plan until Barbie lets go of her. He fells her tense, assuming correctly that she thinks he's letting her alone out here, and takes her left hand into his. He lightly pulls and she walks with him, eyes still trained on Big Jim. Two steps later he hears the motor running.

"Go" He tells her and pulls her by the hand into the car. Securely in the backseat, Angie hits the accelerator, speeding away from the stunned town's people and an extremely pissed Big Jim Rennie.  
"You still have the gun?" Joe asks his girlfriend. He originally intended to ask how she's doing but the sight of the gun catches him off guard.

"The whole town will be looking for us as soon as they register what just happened. Do you think I'm stupid enough to give them back that gun?" She snaps at him. She was of course not angry with him.  
"I hate to interrupt but where are we going? There is no safe place anymore since Junior knows about the cement factory"

"Actually there is one"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Barbie?" She doesn't really believe what she sees, though she desperately wants to. But seriously how could he have escaped a whole town that wants him dead?

"I'm afraid not, but we know he's the only one you want to see right now" The figure before her speaks, and really, she should have expected that. She'd seen Alice in the woods, too.

"So he's dead?" Alice is.

"I didn't say that"

Whatever "Barbie" is saying or not saying she doesn't have time for that. It is just a matter of time until Big Jim finds her, probably finishing what Max had started, and she intended to be dead by then. Getting shot at hurt like hell, and while she doesn't believe drowning that much better, she prefers it over another bullet. Most importantly, she does not want her last sight on earth being Big Jim's satisfied smile.

Thinking about Big Jim stirs up the hatred she feels towards him again. She decides to spend another minute or two amongst the living because she does not only hate the town's used-car salesman and second selectman. She hates whoever trapped them under this Dome, too.

She hates them for bringing down the Dome in the first place, she hates them for trapping him in here with her. They never would have met if that day two weeks ago had been like any other around here. Her husband probably would've been dead anyway, but sitting home alone, wondering where he went and if he's ever coming back would hurt less than knowing you fell in love with the one person responsible for it. And know he was taken from you, too.

Julia hates them for making her fall in love with Barbie.

Hell, she even hates them for her being here. She never really gave much thought to the fact that all this happened just a few months after she moved to Chester's Mill, but after having been crowned their 'Monarch' just a few hours ago, she's pretty sure it wasn't a coincidence that she got fired from her last job. They need her here, to do whatever she is supposed to do. And she hates them for it.

And, when she does have the chance to, she definitively is not leaving without letting them know.  
"I did what you asked me to do, I protected that damn egg! Was it too much to ask for you to do what _I _asked for?" Julia snaps at the figure standing in front of her. All of that was not fair and, honestly, who do they think they are? She had prayed and begged for someone to safe her love, expecting a little quid pro quo from whatever those figures really are.

"There was nothing we could do" Julia's heart breaks just a little more hearing that.

"So he's dead?" She asks again.

"I didn't say that" That's when Julia finally looses patience. How dare that _thing_ to talk to her like that, to mess with her like that?

"Then why the hell don't you just tell me what you _are_ saying?" She focuses all her energy on being angry, everything else around her forgotten. The tears stop as abruptly as turning off a faucet and her beautiful green eyes reflect nothing but disgust. Just a minute ago she was about to end her life so she does not have to live without the one person she is certain she _can't _live without and now, here she is, arguing with something that's not even supposed to be here.

"You see, I'm rather busy here and if you don't mind I would like to be alone" She spits out. Her right arm is hanging loosely by her side and she is leaning dangerously far away from the safety of the boat. The only thing really keeping her above water right now is her left hand, standing on her tiptoes on the edge of the boat. "Whatever you want me to do in order to safe Chester's Mill, I don't care. I'm not interested in being your Monarch, your Savior or whatever you want to call it. Find someone else willing to take on that role because all I want to do is leaving the life _he's _not in anymore"

She lets go then. She hits the water with a splash, soaking her clothes in a matter of seconds. She rips away the bandage over her gunshot wound; not that it really mattered that it was there – but then again, it didn't really matter if it wasn't either.

She's surprised the temperature of the water doesn't stop her heart immediately. The water engulfs her for a moment, pulling her under, but then she emerges again. Dipping once more, her head breaks through the surface a second time. She glares at the figure on the boat, knowing it must have something to do with the fact that she can't even dive onto the bottom of some sea. She first begs with her eyes, then with her words, for them to let her go. They won't and the more she tries to sink underwater the less deep it seems to be. Julia knows that's not possible but after the last attempt she can't help but think she feels solid ground under her feet while her head is still breathing air.

"What do you want from me?" she yells. She does not really sound angry anymore. No, right now she is desperate. She knows the courage to actually kill herself has come and gone. So she tries to stall, letting enough time pass for Big Jim or whoever he sends to find her here and doing it for her.

"Why don't you just let me die?" She doesn't want to drown anymore - _please don't let the ground under my feet disappear _– isn't totally sure if she wants to die at all.

"That's what you did with Barbie" _Don't letme drown; please just don't let me drown here. _

"He's not dead"


	4. Chapter 4

First of all let me tell you, I'm so sorry for making you wait that long for an update when I managed to give you one every day for the first three chapters. I have been busy helping my friend write her term paper and that was pretty hard work but now I'm free again to write so expect more from me in the future :)

Second, I want to thank you all for your kind reviews. You don't even know how happy it makes me to see all those favs. and reviews and knowing, that people actually like what I write. You are amazing. Thank You!

And on a last note, Germany is airing the Season Finale in about an hour. SO guess what I'll be doing tonight. Everyone who guessed re-watching the last two episodes of the first season of the greatest show ever, come here and get your cookie :D

And now, I won't keep you longer. Enjoy

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Chapter Four

He is desperate when they finally reach their intended destination. He and the kids spent the last half hour looking for her, couldn't find her anywhere. They would still be out there if it was up to him, but Joe tried to convince him she was fine. She would be somewhere safe and that, when the townspeople decided they need a break from their search, they would go out again, looking for her. He isn't actually satisfied with their plan, would rather know than assume her safe, but they do not really have a choice.

Everyone is turning every stone in this town upside down, looking for them, probably not stopping until they are finally successful. It is dangerous for them to be out – but so it is for Julia.

They ditched the car on the other side of town, near the spot Julia had dumped the egg into the sea, and walked through still unused streets and woods. It would've been easier had the Dome cleared up, bathing Chester's Mill in darkness once again, because according to Angie's watch it is somewhere around midnight now. More than once they had to trail from their main route in order not to get caught by crazy-going town's people. The blinding light made it harder to hide but they eventually managed to cross town and reach the yard of the old McCoy Orchard.

Angie thought of hiding here, in the bomb shelter she is pretty sure no one in town knows about. She wouldn't know about it either if she had not been dared to go out there at night and steal something. She accidentally stumbled upon the owner stocking up on new supplies. She'd always known those people were a bit different but she never thought they actually had a secret bomb shelter.

Now she is glad that, as far as she knows, no one else would've thought of that either. It may be the one and only safe place for five outlaws. Angie is sure they will find Julia soon.

The girls walk ahead, opening up the locks on the door. Angie knows where the keys are and so they don't take long getting the heavy door lifted aside. They call out to Barbie and Joe, they could still talk in a normal volume, even shout, since no one had the idea of searching for them on this side of town. The residents of Chester's Mill probably don't give them enough courage for daring to walk right through their search party. Luckily they don't.

Barbie hears the noise first, coming from behind the board fence to their right. The Orchard in surrounded by high green bushes and the occasional cherry tree on this side. He sees nothing, instead of those but hears the rustle of the leaves becoming louder by the second. He sends Joe over to his sister and girlfriend, is whispering now so whoever is out there wouldn't know he is still with the teenagers. He tells them to go inside, close the door and lock up. They, of course, think he's crazy, refuse to let him out there alone. They did not go through all that trouble of getting him away from the hangman, creeping all over town in search for his girlfriend and having the whole town on the lookout for them, just to let him get caught now. He tells them that it is important that no one knows about the bomb shelter, that they need to close it up before anyone could find it. He has military training, can quite certain distinguish that there is one (and only one) person on their trail. His intend is to bring the teenagers to safety so if anything would go wrong with his plan at least they would not be harmed, and when he is sure the door was perfectly hidden, he would make himself noticed and take out their follower. He would join them in the safe confines of the bomb shelter as soon as it would be possible. He even tells them, to not open the door for anybody unless they are knocking three times.

The kids are still reluctant to leave him but there is really nothing else they could do.

No sooner than the door is closed, he sees someone hiding in the bushes. What he sees is just a flash but it makes his heart beat faster. Did he actually just saw a flare of red?

He knows it is naïve of him to just assume she would actually know where they are, after all _no one _knows about the fallout shelter, but he can't help but hope. The only thing that keeps him alive is the thought of her being okay and somewhere safe and that he is going to see her again.

"Julia?" He asks, his voice has regained normal volume because if it is not her out there whoever it is knows he's here anyway.

His heart stops when she steps out of the bushes, she has been hiding in. The look of utter disbelieve and happiness on her face is enough to get it beating again. She is really here. He isn't dreaming this.

"Oh my god, you're alive" She flings herself in his arms. He catches her without effort and holds her close. They forget where they are for a moment, forget that they should not be out in the middle of a meadow for every passer-by to see.

He revels in the sound and feel of her breathing, still not believing she is alive and standing here in his arms. He had been so sure she wouldn't make it and, after he resuscitated her, had been sure she isn't going to come out of that coma. He definitively wouldn't have thought her to fight that tough and be up and helping him just two days later. But after she had been crowned their Monarch by whoever sent down the Dome, she probably is alive because they need her. And since she's not doing any good unconscious, they apparently helped along with that, too. Really, there is just no other explanation for what is happening right now.

Her head rests against his chest, the steady _thud-thud-thud_ of his heart reassuring her that he is here. She honestly doesn't know what she would've done if she hadn't found him here. If he had been dead, if that figure on the boat had lied to her, she isn't sure anymore if she had used her limited knowledge about what is going on to help the people of Chester's Mill to lift the Dome. But there is no use in thinking about that because he _is_ not dead. He's standing right in front of her, holding her like she is the most precious thing he ever held. She likes to think she is.

He lets go of her reluctantly, only to frame her face with his hands, glad to finally be able to touch her again, and leans in to kiss her. She meets him halfway, eagerly, and brings her arms around his neck to draw him even closer. His hands travel down to circle her waist when she willingly parts her lips to let him in. They kiss passionately until the air runs out, her head again coming to rest against his chest.

"What are you doing here?" He asks. He knows, she had no clue about the old fallout shelter, there is absolutely no way she could've thought they were seeking shelter there. Come to think of it, how did she even know _he_ would be here?

"Later" She promises. She reaches up to kiss him again, lightly this time.

She asks what he is doing here and how he managed to escape next, and where the three teenagers are. That alien figure had not elaborated on what had happened, only that he was alive and well and on his way to the old McCoy Orchard. Not sure how this place could be any safe from a bunch of town's people willing to turn every stone to find them, she nevertheless made her way over there. If only so she could see him one last time before they were all going to die. What she had been sure of was that Angie, Joe and Norrie had not followed her request, had not gone somewhere safe and waited for all this to be over. They _had _gone to town hall, they _had _gotten Barbie out off there and now they just _had _to be somewhere around here.

"Later" He, too, promises, kissing the top of her fiery red locks. He takes her hand in his, interlocking their fingers and taking her over to where he saw the kids disappear earlier. He finds the door easily, only because he knows it has to be there, and knocks three times.

There is a lot to be said, most importantly he is anxious to finally have her hear those three words he whispered to her once. But they are together now and would be for at least as long as they made it without being found down there.

There was time for that now.

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**I like that one for an ending but I'm not entirely sure yet, if I won't write on. Tell me what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

You wanted more, so here I am, giving you more. It's not my best chapter and it doesn't happen that much but I gotta remain faithful to my chapter concept, not simply skipping ahead for days

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Chapter Five

She is attacked by two teenagers as soon as they set foot into the fallout shelter. The girls have been patiently waiting by the door for Barbie to get back. They had no doubt that whoever he encountered would be an easy mark and no match at all for him.

That they would, in time, find Julia and have her with them, they had known from the very beginning, but never would they have imagined her to greet them in front of the bomb shelter with Barbie.

She is engulfed in hugs and cries of happiness – have they may not have that much to do with the Journalist before all that happened, they came to like her all that much better since they started 'hanging out' together. If something would've happened to her, they would never have forgiven themselves for letting her do that protecting thing alone. Monarch or not, they should've stayed and helped her. They should have made sure she was okay, made sure she wasn't going to do something stupid.

They had told Barbie they thought she would do as such, had come to that conclusion right after they left her in the kitchen of Sweetbriar Rose. They also gathered however, that she was a woman on a mission (and terribly hurt) and that whatever they would've said, she would have sent them away in the end nevertheless. Of course rescuing Barbie was never included in their plan but at least, now that it was done, they could try telling themselves they let her alone because they knew she could handle herself and went to help the one person who could not.

They still would've felt guilty if Julia had been caught.

"I'm so glad you're okay" She said, returning the embraces and sentiments in kind. She is pretty fond of the three kids after all they had been through for her and her boyfriend.

"We were worried about _you_" Angie tells her what had gone through their minds when they left her earlier. Thought she promised to tell Barbie everything that went on, she is not really keen on telling the teenagers that they had been right.

"What happened?" Norrie asks "You're soaking wet"

Barbie, who had closed up the door behind them, turns around and takes a good look at Julia. For the first time he sees her almost transparent shirt and the water dripping from her red hair. He also sees his dog tags, which she pulled out from under her shirt again, hanging from her neck. He likes the look of it.

He should've noticed it sooner, he had after all held her in his arms just a minute ago, but the joy of seeing her alive was greater than anything else. Now that he knows it however, he feels his shirt and arms being wet, too, and just like Norrie, he is curious to what has happened to her.

Barbie steps up behind her, brings his arms around her from behind because, really she must be freezing and lets her rest against his chest. Before anyone could say a thing Joe walks out of the room that held the generator and stops in his tracks. A second later, he too breaks out into a big grin and hugs her tight. She finds her way back into Barbie's arms after Joe lets go of her and before they could ask her again, she decides to speak up.

"The lake" hoping that would be enough of an explanation. Of course it isn't.

"The lake?" Barbie asks, fear in his voice "Did you fall into it? You did not drink any of it, did you?"

"I was thinking about it briefly but no, I don't think so" She told Barbie there could be no more lies in the future and so there is no way, she is hiding the fact that she was about to end her life from him. She would've liked to spare the children but they are in this together now, so she guesses they kind of fall under this no secret rule, too.

"You wanted to"  
"Yeah" Julia cuts Joe off. She knows, the boy does not really want to have to say it and now that she isn't actually ending her life, she does not really want to hear it.

She feels his arms tighten around her middle, holding her closer as if he is afraid she would disappear would he let go. He kisses the top of her hair, her temple and, when she turns her head around to look at him, her lips. "You have to promise me to never think something like that again" he half whispers against her ear, making her shiver.

"Only if you promise to never let anyone kill you again" She is fighting the tears again, but he is here with her now, he is alive now and there is absolutely no reason for her to cry. Only that she almost lost him, that she almost never got to see him again, that she almost never got the chance to tell him she loves him.

She lets the tears fall, turns around in his arms and lets him comfort her. He whispers soothing words into her hair and ear and strokes her back rhythmically and places kisses in her hair and on her forehead. He sees the children backing up, giving them some time alone, and he is glad for it, lets a few tears escape his own eyes.

He knows the teenagers see him as some kind of hero, the tough guy who isn't afraid of anything. But that's not true. He is afraid of loosing her, afraid of never getting out of here, afraid something could happen to any of them.

They stand there for almost half an hour, just making sure the other _is _really here, not just some illusion their mind created when they ran out of oxygen on the bottom of the lake and on that gallows. He eventually pushes her away enough for him to kiss her properly and then she takes his hand this time and follows the teenagers into the 'main room'

The main room is nothing but a stone walled room big enough for two sets of bunk beds, a rather big wardrobe, a table surrounded by five chairs. The two step long hallway right behind the outer door where they just stood, leads off into three other rooms. One is a pantry, stocked to the roof with canned meals and sweets, the other one a bathroom. They have no running water and no real indoor plumbing but it is better than what most bomb shelters around here have to offer.

The last room is the one that holds the generator. The room is tiny. In the middle sits the small generator, which Joe had brought to life when the two adults entered the shelter. All four walls are decorated with build in shelves which hold full propane canisters. If the people of Chester's Mill would have known about this place the town definitively hadn't run out off propane yet, probably could have lived off it for another month, if the Dome doesn't lift by then.

Angie always knew those people were a bit different.

Joining Joe, Angie and Norrie in the main room, they find they already made themselves at home. Three of the four beds are already claimed, the kids having placed their very few possessions on them. The three of them sit around the table, some crackers that look like they are a hundred years old but seemingly do not taste like it in front of them. Even though they are all hungry, no one of them is really in the mood to eat. They nibble listlessly on the crackers when Julia and Barbie sit beside them. He pulls his chair right next to hers, not ready to let her go just yet and, just like the kids and Julia, tries to eat something. They know they have to, not knowing how long they are going to be down here, but they just can't.

There is a lot to talk about but for the time being they settle for not talking. When they finally do, it's Joe who breaks the silence.

"I hope it's okay we took those beds. We kind of figured, you know…" He blushes, doesn't know how to say it.

"It's fine" Julia answers, hiding a smile. For the boy who was the first to correctly assume she is sleeping with Barbie, he sure is pretty embarrassed right about now. Norrie shakes her head at her boyfriend's antics and Angie openly laughs at him. She is the only one having heard Barbie telling Julia he loves her and, thought it is pretty obvious, hasn't told the others. She's just curious if they finally told each other.

After that, conversation shrunk back to non-existent, all preoccupied with their own thoughts. It seems like they are stuck here for a while, every meaningful conversation about what to expect next and how to proceed is probably better off after they had a good nights sleep - after the adrenaline from almost dying has worn off.

They eventually finish off the crackers and decide to head off to bed. Angie's watch tells them it's almost two in the morning and since they are tired anyway, it is just the right time to get some sleep. Angie and Norrie climb up onto the two top bunks, Joe chose the one underneath his girlfriend. That left the bed underneath where Angie sleeps for Barbie and Julia. His back against the wall, he holds her close to him, reassuring himself and protecting heart the same time.

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It's not my best chapter and it doesn't happen that much but I gotta remain faithful to my chapter concept, not simply skipping ahead for days


	6. Chapter 6

**I give you Cahpter Six but I really need to know if people are still interested or not!**

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Chapter Six

He wakes up to her shivering in his arms. She is only wearing her dark Jeans and white top, covered only with a light blanket. It is the best they could come up with down here. He pulls his own blanket tighter around her, holding her even closer and hoping she would stop freezing soon. He asks her how she is feeling but she doesn't answer. Surely she must be awake, shaking like this, but apparently she is sleeping right through it. Resting his head on the pillow right next to hers, right over her injured shoulder, he intends his body heat to warm her up, too.

Minutes later, she should be feeling warmer already, but the shivering doesn't stop. With a hand moving up her chest, he wants to wake her by her good shoulder, he feels it. The faint beating of her heart. He panics, pulling off the covers to look her over. He is met with complete darkness, having momentarily forgotten they turned off the generator to preserve it for as long as possible. He grabs for the flashlight each of them has in their bed but before he even gets to turn it on, he notices something sticky on his neck and cheek. His own heart starts to beat faster than it's supposed to because he knows what it is. He has been sleeping on her injured side, had her shoulder pressed against his throat. He has the flashlight turned on in a flash of the next second.

In the dim glow it provided, he stares at her soaked white shirt, is glaring at the pulled stitches in her right shoulder. The amount of blood he's seeing indicates that she must be bleeding for a while now, though, at least he hoped so, not long enough for her to need a blood transfusion. She should be fine if he just got that blood flow stopped.

Without thinking, he takes of his shirt and presses it across the bleeding wound. She whimpers under his touch, the pressure of his hands creating even more pain than she is already in, but doesn't wake. She's lost too much blood for that he figures. He shouts her name, begging for her to wake up, begging for him to wake up and realize that she's peacefully sleeping beside him. In her own bed. Four days ago.

The three pairs of frightened eyes that appear beside their bed tells him this is really happening and that he has to do something fast, if he ever wants to see her awake again. Putting even more pressure on her shoulder, he looks over to find Joe but the boy already left and just a second later, the bright overhead light begins to flicker. He doesn't care this time, if the children see him cry, lets the tears freely flow, as he is trying, yet again, to safe the woman he loves.

He had spent years in the military, in countries and towns and villages he can't even properly pronounce. He and his troop, without so much as a medical team, let alone anyone with medical knowledge that exceeded putting on a band-aid. He had taught himself many things in nights he laid awake because he could not sleep, learned a lot in his months at home. During his last tour, he was able to stitch a severed hand back on. But all this, all he knew, eludes him now, and in the back of his mind, he realizes she is going to die under his care. Bleed out under the pressure of his hands.

She's not a doctor or nurse, she knows almost nothing about medical procedures, can't perform one, but, in her time being a candy striper Angie McAllister had learned a few things about what to do when people lost a lot of blood. Chester's Mill is a town with quite a few farmers, she and Joe themselves lived on a cow farm. It happens every now and then, that one of them pays a visit by the clinic to get some cut or another patched up. Of course they have to take care of their cattle or crops first, walking into the infirmary after loosing more blood than they should have through their home-made bandages.

She may not be able to help stitching Julia back together but she knows what to do after Barbie manages that. After what Joe told her how he saved her the first time and what he put on himself to get her out off the clinic, Angie has no doubt he will manage to stop the bleeding before it is too late.

"Keep pressure on the wound and under no circumstances let go" She tells Barbie, who is glad for Angie's help but seriously, does he look like he is going to let go of the only thing currently keeping Julia alive? He doesn't say anything, though, just nods his head and increases the pressure once more. Angie feels her pulse, telling him it isn't getting weaker, but it is, of course not getting stronger either. The shaking however doubles with every drop of blood that seeps through his fingers.

"Joe, start with the wardrobe, look for anything that might be used to stitch that wound back up" He goes without hesitation. "Norrie you come with me." The two girls depart from the room; Joe sees them disappear into the pantry. Barbie doesn't notice any of this anymore. He's whispering her name like a mantra, begging her to stay with his, telling her he needs her, telling her he loves her. He promises himself that, the minute she comes out of this, he is going to tell her for real. After having her almost die twice in four days, he needs to know she knows he loves her before it actually happens.

Angie and Norrie come back just a minute before Joe does, unloading dry cereals, two cans of pre-boiled chickpeas, two packages nuts, one can peanut butter, one little package of orange juice and six bottles of water in front of the bed. Joe sinks down next to his sister with the biggest sewing needle he could find and some thread she isn't sure would hold but if it was all they had it better did.

She takes it, instructs him to move over to the head rest. Norrie hands him her pocket knife, yes, she does have a few of those and lets Angie tell them what to do next. As directed, Barbie lifts the shirt and Joe starts to pull out the torn stitches. It would be hard enough for all of them to patch her up again, no need to worsen the pain by not getting around the useless thread. After every pulled stitch Barbie reapplies the shirt for a moment, not that it would really matter that much since she was not getting fluid in, then Joe would pull out another one.

When they were out, Joe takes over pressing the shirt to her shoulder, while Angie hands Barbie the needle and the thread. With hands that are shaking almost as much as Julia is, he takes a deep breath and tells Joe to let go.

The moment the needle penetrates the skin for the first time, his mind clears. He starts to realize, that there is something he can do to safe her, that she is not going to die because of him. He has the wound stitched up in no time, not particularly pretty and it would leave a very nasty scar. Not that his first try had been the work of a plastic surgeon but still.

She is still shivering violently, her pulse still as faint as when Angie felt for it the last time. At least it hadn't weakened any more.

"She needs a lot of rest now." Angie says "After loosing that much blood she needs it anyway but she should not move at all given we did not have any sutures" He knows all that. He's glad nevertheless, that he's not the only one knowing it. "When she wakes up, she needs to have a lot of the food we gathered. We need to build up her red blood cells." They try giving her some water, dripping it from a cloth Joe found in the wardrobe but until she wakes up they can't really do anything. All they have to do now is wait and hope.

Barbie does not once leave her side, lying next to her on the bed, stroking her hair and waiting to pick up in any changes in her breathing. Angie's on Norrie's bed, needing to see her, too, while Joe and Norrie are cuddled up on his bed. Angie and Joe try to remain strong. Angie because she is the oldest and the one with at least some knowledge so she needs to remain focused if she is needed. Joe because he has Norrie in his arms, silently crying.

Barbie doesn't care. He is soaking the shirt Joe had found in the wardrobe with his tears. He knows he has done some horrible things in his past but he honestly wants to change. He wants a future. He wants something to build towards. He wants all that with Julia.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you people so much for your reviews. They made me so happy, that I, despite feeling like crap, got my ass out off bed and finished Chapter Seven for you.

I have, for everyone who may have not noticed, after all it was marked 'complete' from the begining, updated a second chapter to my story 'The Monarch'. I'm not fishing for reviews here, just thought I let people who like to read it but may not have seen it, know :D

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Chapter Seven

She thought getting shot hurt like hell. She honestly can't describe what this feels like. Definitively worse, but still, even if she was able to in her current state, she could not find the appropriate words.

She tries to wake up, tries to tell him something is wrong, but she can't. Her eyelids are too heavy, wouldn't move and she is just too tired to do anything else. She feels incredible pain from the right side of her body spreading through her. She can't quite say for certain if it is coming from her shoulder, though where else could it be coming from?! Then the shaking starts and she can't breathe. She vaguely remembers the sensation from last time but she had been unconscious before somebody, presumably Barbie, found her.

She's not this time. Can feel every bit of pain, can hear every noise around her (The kids and Barbie are all sound asleep), experiencing the horrible feeling of suffocating she, just hours ago, so desperately wanted to feel. But she doesn't anymore. He is safe now, the kids are safe now.

They are safe now.

Apart from the fact that she can feel her life drain out off her slowly.

He moves beside her, the shift in his breathing undoubtedly indicating he's awake. He must be noticing her shivering, is going to help her. He pulls the blanket tighter around her, wraps her in his, too. He holds her, trying to warm her up and the pain just keeps getting worse and worse. She wants to scream, both because it hurt and because she isn't freezing, why can't he see that!? But she can't.

She hears him talking to her, wants to answer him, needs to answer him. But she can't.

She begs to anyone who can hear her, that he recognizes her barely there heart beat when his hand travels up her chest.

He does.

Then everything happens fast. Something presses on her injured shoulder, worsening the pain even more. She lets out a whimper, can hear herself in the stillness of the bomb shelter. Somewhere in the back of her mind she hears him screaming her name, begging with her, but the pain is the only clear thing in her head right now.

Angie is taking charge. There is a reason we don't let loved ones in the OR and Julia is experiencing that first hand right now. She never would blame Barbie if she died right here, wouldn't know if she could put _him _back together. Even with all the medical knowledge in the world.

Julia is no doctor and in no condition to think right now but what Angie is saying about her pulse not getting weaker at least means she's not dead yet. The shaking however seems to get worse each second.

She feels cold now, like ice being pushed through her veins and she wishes she would just give into the pain. Not dying, no because she does not want that anymore, but blacking out would be pretty good right about now.

Angie is still talking but she doesn't hear any of that. She is focused on his voice that keeps whispering her name over and over again, telling her he needs her, telling her he loves her. That's what she is holding on to through the pain. She doesn't want to die without him knowing that she loves him back.

She doesn't know how much of this she actually remembers when (if) she wakes up but knowing it now, is reason enough for her to fight.

Someone is doing _something_ on her right shoulder, she could feel as much but awake or not, she probably wouldn't want to know what that something is. The feeling alternates between little stitches and the excruciating pressure she felt before.

And then, something sharp penetrates her skin, setting it on fire and she wants to scream, wants to hit something. Wants to scream at him, to hit him, for causing her all that pain.

She doesn't stop shaking when he's finally done but she eventually falls unconscious.

She wakes up in the dark, isn't quite sure where she is. She ponders being dead but her wound hurt very badly. She hasn't been dead before but she is sure dead people don't hurt. Then she feels him arm around her stomach, his head pressed into her red locks, breathing onto her neck. He had shifted sides some time during the night, sleeping on her left side now, probably so he wouldn't cause her pain.

She tries to sit up, but she's too tired and drowsy and weak to even lift her arms. She turns her head, looks at him, her eyes tracing the outline of his face without actually seeing him. She had done this far too often for the short amount of time they've known each other. She can point out every scar, every mole, every unique feature without a moment's hesitation.

So she opts for staying where she is, better for her shoulder anyway, and watches him sleep. She wants to wake him, wants to show him she's okay but she figures he needs his sleep. She doesn't know about him but if it had been Barbie, she would have stayed awake until the last possible moment, hoping he'd wake up. Angie, Joe and Norrie are asleep, too. As her sight adjusts to the darkness of the room, she can make out a lone figure on the top bunk opposite her and two on the bottom one.

She smiles, stops thinking about almost dying and herself and Barbie for a moment. She knows Joe since she moved to Chester's Mill, met Norrie sometime after the Dome came down. She likes those kids, and despite her being an adult (teenagers that age don't really _want_ to get along with them) they seem to like her, too. She can't say if it had something to do with them all being some kind of linked or if they actually _like_ her but if she and Barbie aren't alone in this, then she doesn't really care.

She wonders if they know how obviously in love they are, wonders if she and Barbie were that obviously in love. In a town, where she, three days ago, technically still had been married. In a town, where she, now, was on the run with her husband's murderer.

He stirs beside her and she is glad for the distraction. She doesn't want to think about her husband or what could have been, if the children had been too late. She doesn't want to think about what is going on outside their safe place down here. She doesn't want to think about what will happen, if they are found.

What she wants to do is think about Barbie and Joe and Angie and Norrie. What she wants to do is think about how to survive in here for as long as possible, how to spend their days down here. What she wants to do is think about being with the only friends and family she has right now.

His breathing shifts, his arm tightens around her stomach and his lashes tickle her throat as he opens his eyes.

"I love you, too, you know"


	8. Chapter 8

I have a very important question to ask you all and for those of you interested I would love to get feedback on it because it defines the way this story is going to go. Who would be interested in having me lift the Dome and explore more of their life outside of it (or in CM just without the Dome u know what I mean). You know the 'full' story of their love. Not that it would be happening in the next few Chapters, therefore I'm still too much inversted in this whole, figure out how to survive and what the hell JUlia's supposed to do as the Monarch, but I want to know if you are interested in me taking that path.

If so I'm trying to give you updates throuought the whole hiatus, trying to wrap it up just before season two starts. If not, I'm still not finished by a long shot but it definetively will be over before then :D

let me know what you think/want please

And now, Enjoy!

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Chapter Eight

He doesn't believe it at first. She had been unconscious and on the edge of dying – once again – and here she is, wake and talking to him. He has to be dreaming still. It isn't the first one of these dreams he had but it never felt so real. When he was touching her, when he was kissing her, when he was talking to her, he always felt her with him, felt her skin under his fingertips. But he knew the difference between imagining her skin from memory because he knows every inch of her and actually feeling it. This was undeniably the second one.

He sits up, detangles his legs from hers, looking her over in the dark. He's not seeing anything, just the outline of her body. That should have been indication enough for him to realize he's awake; in his dreams there is always light, streaming in through their bedroom window. His eyes travel up to where he assumes her injured shoulder to be, because if he's asleep, there is no injury. There shouldn't even be a ruined shirt which he can't see in the dark anyway. She should be wrapped up in their bed sheets, in their bed, her naked body molded into his.

She hasn't said anything else since he woke up, if he could see her, she would be smiling, patiently waiting for him to come to terms with what he just heard, with what she just said. He plays with the thought of sleeping for a moment longer, for the main part because she is silent, before he registers that he can't be.

She is dressed, this definitively isn't their bed (though _they _don't really have a bed), there's no light coming from their bedroom window (though _they _don't really have a bedroom window), this definitively isn't their bedroom (though _they _don't really have a bedroom). All things he is going to change now, that she finally is with him, awake and talking to him, telling him she loves him.

_She said she loves me!_ It finally sinks in. His heart begins beating twice as fast as only a second ago when he realized she was really here. He knows it sounds totally cliché but he feels like the luckiest man on earth right now. Despite being a wanted man, despite being on the run, despite being locked up here, there is absolutely no way he could be any happier than this.

He had had relationships before, even saying the occasional I Love You, but never had it meant to him that much that the person loved him back. Never had _he _loved someone so much he would literally risk his own life for the other's safety.  
Until he met Julia. He would understand if she didn't love him, he wouldn't even blame her for hating him, but she doesn't. She loves him back as much as he loves her and when they finally make it out off here, out off Chester's Mill, he would never let her go.

"How are you feeling?" Yes, she said she loves him but he's not in that much of a hurry to say it because apparently she had heard him, knows it already. He is going to tell her soon, but first he is more interested in her wellbeing.

"Like crap" she whispers back to him, a small smile playing on her lips regardless of her words. "Thank you for saving my life, again"

"I'd say it was a pleasure, but we agreed on no more lies" He tries humor, doesn't really feel the smile reaching his eyes, pretty sure she doesn't either. She lets out a little laugh anyway, flinching and hissing in pain, when the movement rattles her shoulder. At the sight of her pain stricken face he lies back down, holds her close again.

He tells her to breath slowly, tells her to relax. She does as he instructs and the pain seems to dissipate, though he can only guess by her expression. It's not good enough for him - to guess, to assume – he has to be certain.

"Better?" She only nods. He rather feels than sees it in the complete darkness but he's satisfied enough.

They lay there for a few minutes, not talking but just breathing each other in, loving the feel of simply being with each other. He's holding her right hand in his, head again resting in her red hair. It's one of his favorite places. Her left hand is absentmindedly fingering the hem of the shirt he's wearing. After a while, he helps her to some water, knowing exactly where they put the open bottle so he doesn't need the flashlight. Since he practically forbids her to sit up, it is more difficult than expected but the situation made them laugh. It is the first time in days that either of them really laughed and he just now realizes how he had missed that sound coming from her lips.

He opens a package of nuts, asks her if she can eat them. He doesn't ask if she likes them, no, because he doesn't care. If they provide what she needs to get back on her feet and become the old Julia again, then she would have to live with forcing down two snack packages of peanuts. He learns rather quickly that she is, indeed, no big fan of the toasted food but she seems to know how important it is for her to eat them nonetheless.

He makes her eat half the package before he takes it and puts it back in front of the bed. His hand reclaims hers but this time he's leaning on his right shoulder so he could look her over.

"I love you so much" he brushes a few strands of hair out off her face, leans down to kiss her temple lightly while his fingers play with the flick of hair.

"I heard that" She smiles when he leans down to kiss her mouth this time. "I love you" She breathes against his lips between kisses. He would in time find out, just how much she heard and felt during his second attempt at saving her. After all there are no more lies between them.

The bright light of a flashlight and the shrill cry of a young female teenager break the two adults apart eventually. They share a smile and then Barbie rests his back against the pole that holds up the upper bunk. Julia, with a lot of help from Barbie so she doesn't move her injured shoulder, places her head in his lap, so he could continue carving his fingers through her hair. She loves when he does that.

"Finally!" Norrie shouts. Joe is blushing beside her from having caught Barbie and Julia kissing and she laughs at him. Seriously, for having his own girlfriend he gets pretty embarrassed when he only so much as talks about kissing. Angie already climbs down the bed and joins her brother and his girlfriend on the bottom one.

They all start asking her how she feels, if she is hurting, what she remembers, if she _really_ is okay or if she is just saying that for the kids to feel better. Barbie cuts in after the tenth time Julia assures that she _is _feeling okay. Not good, not strong, not healthy – but okay. He tells the three teenagers that she still needs her rest, that she should not be overly stressed right now. After all she had been through it is important for her to do as little as possible. When Joe points out that she had been asleep this whole time, Julia finally finds the courage to ask what she wanted Barbie to tell her of his own accord.

"How long have I been out this time?" He can tell she is afraid of the answer.

"Almost three days"

He feels her tense but only for a moment. Then she relaxes against his tight again, closes her eyes briefly and takes in a deep breath. Letting it out, she grips his hand and places it lightly over her wound. He knows what she is doing. She is trying to calm herself by calming him, showing both of them that, despite her being unconscious for three days, she is here now, and alive and everything is going to be fine from now on.

Joe catches the flashlight Barbie is throwing his way and leaves the room. When the generator starts up, Norrie kills her flashlight and relaxes against the wall behind her. Angie does the same and when Joe comes back, he sits between his sister and girlfriend. They talk for a while, Julia keeps drifting off every now and then and they gladly let her rest. They can't wait to get her back. There is no way the five of them would leave the bomb shelter before Julia was okay enough to not pull any more stitches.

Every time she wakes Barbie helps her drink something and feeds her another few of the nuts her opened do this routine for about five hours until Julia finally tells him to stop with the water. It's not that she doesn't want to be better and he knows what he's doing, so why not let him take care of her?! It's not that at all, but she knows he is not letting her move the slightest bit, much less let her use that bathroom. She doesn't tell him that, is too embarrassed with the kids listening and so he wins their not-quite argument.

An hour later she unfortunately has to bring up the unwanted topic. Though he is keen on not letting her move at all, he also knows that it isn't possible. He searches his mind for a solution anyway. She begs with him to please let her get up, telling him she won't be moving. He can lift her into a sitting position, he can help her stand up, they can even help her walk. Anything that would let her leave the bed _and _lets him have his way, too. He eventually caves and when she is standing on shaky feet, he calls Angie over to help him walk her to the bathroom.

Julia fixes her eyes on him, indicates with her hand to both Angie and Norrie to come over and pushes Barbie by his shoulder back onto the bed.

"You may have seen me naked but there is no way I'm ready for you to follow me into the bathroom"

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You remember how I said I could not just skip ahead for days but have to remain faithful to my chapter concept?! You see how I just successfully managed to do both?! God, I'm so proud of myself right now :)

The last line was inspired by a friend of mine who went through something similar. Granted she did not get shot and almost died twice but she broke her knee, could not walk alone and had that bandage thingy up to almost her hips, of course making it impossible for her to sit down or get up on her own. Her boyfriend not once was allowed to help her, with that exact reasoning :D


	9. Chapter 9

Random note: You ever ate raw mushrooms with bacon flavored ketchup?!

Delicious :D

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Chapter Nine

She is glad, she forbade Barbie to help her. As embarrassing as it is, she was not even able to get down her jeans by herself, let alone sit down without pulling at her stitches. While she wants to forget this moment as soon as possible, having her face share the color of her hair if she happened to have this annoying blushing trait, the teenagers do not seem to mind all that much. Surely because there is no way Barbie lets her get up on her own in the next few days, maybe even weeks. God, she hopes not!

She should probably just get used to it, too.

She is feeling better, more alive than when she got up a minute ago, puts it down to her circulation building up. The slow and short walk must have helped with that. She doesn't pretend to be feeling _better_ than she is, because really that isn't doing any good for anyone – especially not her. That doesn't mean she is all that fond of lying back down for the next time she has to use the bathroom. She can't help but think that it's a little sad, that the one and only reason she is allowed to leave the bed is because she needs to pee.

She loves being in his arms, loves having him next to her, loves him. Just days ago, she couldn't think of anything she would rather do the whole day than cuddling I bed with him. But now, that she is practically forced to do just that, she can't wait to get better and do anything else than have him fussing over everything she does. Though, after all that happened to them, between them, she isn't so sure he ever will stop that.

She lets the girls hand her over into Barbie's care, who is quick to ask her if she's okay. She answers truthfully because, again, it doesn't really help her if she lies to him. For the main part because she desperately needs to get better, for a smaller part because she knows he would see right through her anyway.

She won't say she is a bad liar. She's a journalist and lying is in the job description to a certain degree. There are so many stories she would not have gotten published if she had been brutally honest with her editor about where she got that information from or with her sources about what she really was going to do with the information they provided.

But, in their years of marriage and throughout the whole course of their relationship, Julia never had been able to successfully lie to Peter. She tried it a few times, mostly when she did not want to tell him about the horrible things she had seen while following up on some tip for a story, but learned rather quickly, that she was just not capable of lying to him. She just could not hold anything back from the person she loved and, until she had found the life insurance policy and learned about his gambling debts, she was convinced he couldn't either.

She is in love with Barbie now, which leads her to the conclusion that, telling a lie was not even worth the effort.

He kisses her softly and she gladly lets him because that's what he should be doing more often instead of worrying about her. She is fine now, would still be fine tomorrow, would still be fine next week, next month, next year.

She lets him help her sit down on the bed, asks for some water and he hands her the bottle, opens one package of the cereals the girls had brought in. There is no milk or yogurt, she will have to snack on them like trail mix, but she is actually hungry and takes them from him. She is eating slowly, nibbling on the flakes and the dried raisins because as long as she is eating, he does not make her lie down. She wants to get better, but she wants to sit up, stand up, walk around.

Norrie disappears into the other room, emerges with another few packages of crackers and some dip-like thing that seems to be non-perishable. At least it isn't yet. She hands Barbie one, shares a glance with Julia that clearly says 'sorry you have to eat _that_' and sits cross-legged back onto Joe's bed. The last three packages are divided between the teenagers, sitting in a circle around the jar of dip, Angie with her back against the wall, Joe and Norrie facing each other. Barbie politely passes up on the offer.

He sets his own crackers beside him on the bed and scoots back to rest against the stone wall behind him. With his right hand placed against her right shoulder, his left hand around her waist, he pulls Julia towards him so she is sitting in the V of his legs. The five of them eat in silence for a while, Joe and Norrie holding hands, Angie thinking about how she could be far away from this if she had left Chester's Mill when she originally planned to. Barbie is circling strands of red hair around his fingers, smoothing them out before curling them in again in a repetitive motion. Every now and then, he offers her one of the crackers because even if they don't help building up red blood cells and her circulation, he isn't cruel enough to only let her nibble on cereal that tastes like paper.

She is glad that he does not make her lie down again, that he realizes that after walking earlier, she is strong enough to sit up. And she has not broken her promise to him – she had not once made any move that would move her shoulder and cause another life-saving situation. But she is frustrated, that he thinks they will stress her out too much if they just so much as go into the direction of talking about getting out off here. She knows they all want to leave that fallout shelter as soon as somehow possible, figure out how she is supposed to lift the Dome (that _has _to be the task of the Monarch, what else?) before that and live their own lives, preferably outside this crazy town she assumes.

But Barbie doesn't let them breach the subject. She is definitively not going to do anything stupid like try to face Big Jim when she's not one hundred per cent back on her feet, that doesn't however mean that they could not already start hatching a plan for when it's finally time. The longer they wait, the longer they have to be locked up down here and thought she would not mind sharing living space with her boyfriend and the three teenagers in general, she _would _prefer it not to be in a bomb shelter out of necessity.

"Ho w long before we can start talking about getting out off here?" She finally asks, after they managed a full half hour without so much as an attempt at conversation.

"We're not leaving here until you are better" She rolls her eyes.

"I'm not talking about leaving. I'm talking about _talking_ about leaving" She wants to turn around, look at him, but she promised him not to move.

"Julia…" he starts, but she moves out off his arms, his tone making her not care about her promise. If he wants to argue, she is going to look him in the eye and tell him what she thinks, wants.

"I'm not fine, I almost died twice in the last weeks. I get that you don't want me to hurt, that you want to protect me. I love that protective side of you, I really do" She takes a breath, hides the fact that her sudden movement caused her shoulder to hurt. In the corner of her eyes she sees the teenagers getting up, attempting to leave the two adults alone. Not that it would really do any good, since they can still hear any conversation from the next room but she appreciates the effort to let them argue out their first fight alone.

She doesn't count the time she threw him out after finding his connection to her husband's disappearance, because they hadn't been together then. She doesn't count the time she confronted him about her husband's murder because even if they should have been, they were not really fighting then.

"I don't want to talk about that because we have time. We're not doing anything until you're better and there's enough time to figure things out when you are" He does not want to fight, she can hear it in his voice, in the way he chooses his words.

"Do you think I don't now that? Why not discuss our options while we don't have anything better to do anyways?" She takes another deep breath, sitting up on her own felt worse than she would've thought. "I don't _want _to leave until I'm good but I'm no doctor, I don't know how long this will take. I know _you _have medical knowledge, have probably seen that a few times already. _You _probably know how long this will take to heal, how long we are going to be sitting down here. But you don't talk to me, all you do is fussing over me" She doesn't want to fight, she loves him but he just frustrates her so much right now and why can't he see what she is going through, what she want him to see?!

"The reason I'm not telling you that this kind of injury can take months to heal just from the outside, not to mention the internal damage the bullet did that can take up to a year, is because I don't want to worry you. You have been through enough already"

"Then we don't you lie to me some more? That's what you're best at after all!"


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

He drops the hands that are reaching for her to his sides, slumps back against the hard stone behind him. For a moment he feels like he lost the ability to speak, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't get a single word past his lips.

He had wanted to reason with her, making her see, that he is only acting in her best interest. He never wanted to cause a fight, never wanted to bring out the skeletons he had in his closet. She had brought them to light anyway and now he's not even entirely sure how he is feeling. Is he angry, sad, hurt, all of those? And more importantly who is he feeling all those emotions for? Himself? Her?

Is he angry with her for bringing up a topic he thought they closed a while ago, for seeking a fight in the first place? Or is he angry with himself for letting the situation with her even get that far?

There is plenty of reason he had to be angry with himself. He should have left her the moment he learned it was her husband he had killed right before the Dome came down. Should have told her the truth from the beginning. Should have never get involved with her. Yes, he should be angry with himself.

But they had gone over all this already, established that it was okay, that she wanted him to stay even after what he had done to her. So who the hell does she think she is to bring that up now.

"If you had let me sleep in my damn car like I wanted to, I never would have had the need to lie to you" His calm is gone now, too. They both know, the three kids in the next room can hear every single word of their conversation but they honestly don't care. They should have had this fight days ago, when she first confronted him.

"If you had not been so busy killing my husband, you never would have needed to sleep in your car" She snaps back. She hadn't intended for anyone to find out he killed Peter. Of course the town's people suspect it now, but what proof do they really have? She would have to talk to the teenagers about that later.

"You think I want to be trapped in here?"

"You know, when this Dome finally lifts, why don't you just get lost because I don't want you!" She moves over to the spot he just vacated against the wall and looks at him.

"With pleasure, because even if you might think so, I don't need you"

He leaves her then. There's really nowhere to got, he knows that but he needs just a minute away from her. He needs just a minute to cry and he is not doing that with an audience. He enters the small restroom, closes the door, leans against it and lets the tears fall.

He's not thinking when he reenters the main room. The only thing he really notices is Joe and Norrie both camped out on her bed and his pillow and blanket are thrown onto the floor. She probably must have kicked them off the bed right after he left. She's not looking at him when he makes his way over to Joe's bunk and he's glad because he doesn't want to look at her either.

He spends the remainder of the day sitting there, playing the argument over and over in his mind, searching for anything on his part that could have brought on this fight but in his state of mind the only thing he can see is her being irrational and, more importantly, wrong.

He won't say he hates her, he loves her too much for that but he keeps telling himself the very thing he had told her. He doesn't need her, doesn't need her to be with him, doesn't need her loving him. He does not need her love.

He figures out pretty soon, that he _does_ need her. He spends the hours trying to deny it, then. It works out great for a while but when Joe goes and turns off the generator, bathing them in complete darkness once again, there is nothing to focus on anymore. He can't see the chairs he used to ponder what wood they are made of exactly, can't see the heavy steal door he used to wonder whether or not it actually would resist the force of a bomb. All he sees is blackness and so it's just a matter of time, before he can hear the almost non-audible sounds of her crying.

"I'm sorry" she says when he slides in next to her. "You know I want you"

"I'm sorry, too and you know I need you" he moves closer carefully, almost afraid she would reject him. "I honestly believe you made me want to become a better person. One that doesn't have to lie to you, one that doesn't _want _to lie to you"

"I'm so sorry" she repeats, curling deeper into his side. He missed this the last hours, she did too.

"Don't be" he pushes loose strands of red hair out off her face. He can't see her but he can feel her smile just a little. "I won't lie and say it didn't hurt but it's my own fault. I know this will always stand between us to some degree, I can't change that and I don't want to. As long as you hate me just a little for what I did to you, this is more real. I don't expect you to fully forgive me some day but I want you to know that as long as you let me, I will do whatever it takes to come back to you when we reach that point again. I love you, Julia."

He kisses the top of her head, interlaces their fingers now that he is sure she is not pushing him away. He lets her turn to her side so her eyes could search his in the darkness. He is fully aware of her injured shoulder – she is, too but grits her teeth because she needs to do this face to face – but he promised himself that he would not treat her as fragile as he had done before. He's not going to stop caring for her, helping her and she would definitively not leave his sight without someone walking with her, but he wants to make things right between them again and if she needs to be more independent he can let her be just that to the degree she can handle.

She holds his blue eyes with her green ones, reaches with her right hand up to cup his cheek. She loves him even more when she feels traces of tears on his face.

"I need you to know that I don't mean it when I say things like that and you have to promise me to never forget that. I will _never _stop letting you come back. We have been through too much together to just throw it all away over nothing"

"This isn't nothing" he starts, needs her to understand that he still thinks he's not good enough for her. He had killed her husband, led her to believe he had never seen Peter, lied again, when he had the chance to set the record straight. How could she seriously be in love with him after all that?!

But she is and that's why she cuts him off before he gets any further.

"It is" she insists, kissing him softly when he tries to argue "I'm done swelling on the past. I've spent so much time thinking about the what ifs and look what it brought me" She stops, lets him wipe away the tears that fall. "I have a family in the here and now, I'm with you in the here and now, _I love you_ in the here and now. So why can't we just _live_ in the here and now?"

He is moved by her speech, can't say anything, but he nods, tells her he would love to forget what had happened when they first met. He isn't naïve, knows he may never forget what happened, may never fully forgive himself just like she won't be fully forgiving him for all the lies he told her. She wants to try however, wants to be with him and though he still can't comprehend _why_ she wants him, he is not foolish enough to throw that chance out the window.

He pulls her back into his side, covers them both with his blanket. He doesn't know how late it is, how long they have before the three teenagers would be awake but both of them haven't slept at all yet. He can tell she's tired when she rests her head in the crook of his neck, her closing eyelids brush his skin. He kisses the top of her head and takes her hand in his again.

The teenagers find them like this thirty minutes later, tiptoeing out off the room to let the stillness go on for a little while longer. They could not have slept that much after all.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

It's light when she opens her eyes, meaning the kids are already up, but she can't find them anywhere. She feels him beside her, is so terribly glad she didn't imagine the talk they had after their fight. Now, if she could just find she only imagined that fight and all the horrible things she threw his way, she'd be feeling even better.

Unfortunately that argument actually happened, there is nothing she can do about it. She had not meant to say any of those things she said, honestly meant it, when she had told him it is okay between them, that she doesn't hate him for the lies or killing her husband. They would not be here if she had not meant it, if she hated him.

She was hurt and selfish and stupid and just could not shut her mouth when she was ahead, when she may actually have been able to convince him to put together their escape plan.

That had always been her problem, provoked more fights than she is willing to admit, but she had been working on that. Peter had helped with it, but he had known her longer than Barbie had, had known about this shitty habit, so he had backed off or told her she's doing it again. It had worked most of the time.

Maybe it is time for her to let Barbie in on this, after all she is in love with him, wants to spend the rest of her life with him if he lets her.

But she had told him she is done dwelling on the past and so she puts it out off her mind, focuses on the present and on him, still sleeping next to her. He is breathing in her red locks, left arm resting over her stomach, their fingers still as entwined as when they fell asleep. Actually, she notices, they haven't moved at all, making her wonder how long she had been asleep for.

All the crying had made her pretty tired last night but until he crawled into bed beside her, until they talked it out and assured each other they were still in love, she hadn't been able to close her eyes for a minute. Every time she did she had seen herself accusing him of lying to her again or, even worse, had seen him leave for good. It hadn't taken long to finally fall asleep in his arms though.

"Why are you awake?" She didn't feel him wake up and by the sound of his voice he isn't really awake anyway. She gives them an hour, maybe two, in which they have been asleep.

"You're snoring" Julia replies, playing with his fingers that are still resting next to her body, grasping hers.

"Funny" He tells her to go back to sleep, that it's late and still dark.

"Actually, it's not" she whispers, turning her head so she can look at him. His eyes are still closed, thought by the pattern of his breathing she can tell he's not sleeping anymore. "The kids are already up"

He opens his own eyes then, looks around "I don't…" She cuts him off with a kiss. He doesn't mind her kissing him but he's sure this one was only intended to shut him up. He sends a questioning look in her direction, but she does not give him an answer. She just waits patiently for him to get it and by the smile that appears on his face, she's pretty sure he does. He kisses her again, before they fall into whispered conversation about everything and nothing.

There really is no real privacy down here, they know that. Not when they share one room with three other people and not, when conversation can be heard in every corner of the bomb shelter but what they have right now is the closest to privacy they would come in the next days and so they intend to make the best of it. She figured, when she did not see Angie, Joe and Norrie that they left them alone to get some sleep and as long as it is almost silent in here, they would think they are still asleep. As long as they do not make a sound louder than a whisper, she and Barbie could spend some time alone together.

For the next half hour they alternate between talking, cuddling and the occasional make out session, though fully aware, that they are not alone and that every minute the three teenagers could get bored outside the room and reenter.

He tries bringing up yesterdays fight a few times, not because he wants to anger her or drive her away again, but because he's not that convinced about leaving it all behind them. He wants to, no question about that, and if she really meant what she said, he's more than happy to actually try letting the past be past but he is not sure she actually did mean it. How could she after all he had done to her?! She cuts him off every time though, assuring him, that there is nothing to talk about, that she meant everything she said and eventually, he believes her, lets the issue rest in the past, like she asked him to.

She feels thirsty, asks him to hand her the package of orange juice because she's sick of water and that thing really had to be gone before it went bad. When she looks at him again, he's grabbing for the cereals again, but she stops him before he even gets his hands on them. She won't say she's not glad he looks out for her, knows she must be hungry after not eating half the day yesterday, but, just like the water, she's sick of cereals, too. She never had been a big fan of them and dry they taste even more like crap than when she soaks them in milk. She once tried them with yoghurt and can't for the life of her figure out, how people actually eat that.

No, she asks him to hand over the jar of peanut butter, because when she is only allowed to eat what builds up her red blood cells, there's nothing wrong with choosing something she actually likes. He hands over the jar with a smile that got wider when she opened it and, realizing she doesn't have crackers or even a spoon, dipped the cream right out of the jar with her finger. She lets out a little sound of appreciation, she loves peanut butter and therefore everything containing peanut butter. She offers him a taste, by pointing the open jar in his direction but he declines, confesses he's no fan of peanuts so he never tried them in buttery form. She looks at him shocked, whispers something to herself about how she could've fallen in love with someone who doesn't eat peanut butter, because really, how could you not love that?! She shakes her head, turns around to look at him fully and ponders him.

"Since I'm already involved with you, there's only one option. You'll have to learn to love peanut butter" Julia finally decides.

"You're sure there's no other way?" He asks her, not really opposed to the idea.

"Afraid not, sorry" She dips her finger back into the jar, brings it to his lips.

"Not bad" he tells her after tasting it. "I think there's one way to make this taste even better"

She's curious, doesn't know what he had in mind but hands over the jar when he takes it from her. He dips his finger into it, coats her smiling lips with it and leans down to kiss her.

"Delicious" he mumbles against her lips before she parts her lips and kisses him back.

She lies back onto the bed, he follows immediately, not breaking their connection. His right hand rests next to her head to hold himself above her so he wouldn't crush her, his left one is buried in her hair. She reaches up for her left hand to grab at the hem of his shirt.

"We're so glad you stopped fighting but can you maybe safe that make-up sex for when we're out off here?" Norrie casually asks the two adults who stop kissing at her request but don't move from their positions just yet.

"Of course, sorry" Julia replies, just as casual. They could be just as easily talking about the weather. Angie and Norrie start laughing, followed by Julia and Barbie and a second later even Joe joins in, forgetting he should be embarrassed by having caught them making-out – again.

"With that shoulder injury you probably should lay off that physical activity for a while anyway" Angie jokes but what she sees is not the embarrassed expression she had hoped for. She watches Julia push Barbie off of her, sitting up in a flash, her face adopting a look that was a mixture of fear and surprise and looks down at her gun shot wound.


End file.
